How To Choose The Right People for Your Wedding Day Speeches
The handing out of a wedding speech time slot can be a lot like handing out staffing appointments for an incoming Presidential administration — you don’t always choose the most qualified person for the job.
And, often, it’s not even about the speech itself but more about honoring the position of a family member or close friend. And this can cause a few sleepless nights for wedding couples who want to avoid any hurt feelings or stressed out wedding party members.
To raise the stakes even more, your wedding day speeches, and who speaks, do have a BIG impact on the overall wedding experience.
So, how do you choose the right people to give a speech on your wedding day?
Tip #1 — Ask your favorite people in a particular order
Ask your parents if they’d like to speak first.
Next, ask your wedding party members. Typically, this will be your best person/man/woman & person/maid/matron/man of honor.
Invite your siblings last. (Note: Your siblings may be in your wedding party so this is a great choice for honoring family & for efficiency!).
Tell everyone else that the rest of the slots are by invitation only, if time allows.
Tip #2 — Consider appropriate times for a speech
There are 5 moments during your wedding day that feel like really natural and effortless places to insert a speech:
The officiant, if a friend or family member, can give a speech as part of their ceremony script (1)
At the beginning of reception, either a welcome speech or a prayer before dinner (1)
The bulk of the speeches/toasts generally happen during the program which is right after dinner and just before dancing. I’d recommend that you not have more than three speakers during this time. (3)
Tip #3 — Stick to an efficient strategy for all speeches
Encourage your speakers to keep it brief, and limit themselves to 3-5 minutes each. (Note: Having multiple people stand at the mic at one time can also get a number of honored individuals knocked out all at once, but they collectively get 3-5 minutes total).
I want to strongly encourage you to limit your number of speakers. Once you’ve made the invitation, it’s very difficult to rescind if we find that we’re behind schedule. In real time, what happens is that we cut into your dancing time. I’ve seen a two hour dance party turn into 20 minutes because of too many speakers going on for too long, and you always have a hard and fast end time to your wedding day. (Note: If you have more speakers than you have slots for on your wedding day, invite some to speak at the welcome dinner, pre-wedding get together, etc.).
I’d STRONGLY advise against an open mic for speeches. It tends to be a little awkward, goes on for too long, and ends up not adding much to the evening.
FINAL PRO TIP — the best way to approach the wedding day is to position yourself as the leader of your own wedding day, and be clear with your people about your wishes. If you are clear with what you want, and that the buck stops with you, your people will do what you ask.
With much aloha,
Curtis